Boundaries are sometimes framed as unchristian selfishness. In reality, refusing to be harmed again is compatible with loving someone and praying for them from a distance.
Boundaries and love
Loving someone does not oblige you to be available to them. You can wish someone well, pray for them, and never speak to them again.
'Honor your father and mother' has never meant submitting to abuse from a parent, and it does not override your right to safety as an adult or a child.
What boundaries can look like
No contact, limited contact through a third party, blocking numbers, changing routines, or simply declining to discuss certain topics are all legitimate boundaries: the right one depends on your safety and situation.
What Scripture says
- Matthew 15:4-6
Common misconceptions
- “Setting a boundary with family is a failure of Christian charity.”
- Charity includes rightly ordered love of self. You are permitted, and often wise, to limit access to people who hurt you.
Questions people are often afraid to ask
Practical next steps
- · Write down what contact, if any, is safe for you, and tell one trusted person.
- · If a boundary may increase risk, speak with an advocate before setting it.