Domestic violence includes physical harm, but also threats, financial control, isolation from family and friends, monitoring, and coerced sex within a marriage. All of these are abuse.
Recognizing the pattern
Abuse is usually a pattern of control, not an isolated bad moment. Apologies, promises to change, and periods of calm ('the honeymoon phase') are a well-documented part of the cycle, not proof it has ended.
You are not obligated to stay for the marriage's sake
The Catholic Church has explicitly stated that no one is required to remain in a marriage where they or their children are in danger. See 'Annulment and separation questions' for how the Church addresses separation and annulment.
Common misconceptions
- “It's not domestic violence unless it's physical.”
- Coercive control, financial abuse, threats, and intimidation are recognized forms of domestic violence, with serious effects even without physical injury.
Questions people are often afraid to ask
Practical next steps
- · The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help build a safety plan confidentially, 24/7, whether or not you plan to leave.
- · See 'Safety planning basics' before making changes that could increase risk, such as confronting the person or moving out abruptly.